Memory Flashes

Today I just had a flashback to when I was back in the military. I was naive during that time. Kind but naive and didn’t think much. When I think about those days I bite my tongue, lip or something that no one can see. Sometimes I just clench my fists hard just so that I can tell myself to let that memory pass. 

It’s hard sometimes because afterwards I feel down and just unhappy with myself. I’ve made mistakes. I feel like I’ve made more when I was in the military. 

Thankfully I’m not in the service anymore but it still haunts me. I feel like I should tell someone again. I haven’t told the husband yet. I have this feeling probably every other month or so sometimes more. I just keep it in. 

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Bad YouTube Channels For Kids

So I have been giving Naomi the iPad so that she can watch her youtube videos. Being only 21 months she has already figured out how to change to other videos and watch other stuff on YouTube. She has been doing this two months ago.

We have kept it to mainly Dave and Ava or Chu Chu TV. Which are great channels for your kids to watch. I highly recommend them. Naomi loves Dave and Ava and I actually bought their app so we can watch them offline.

But now that she has learned to switch to other channels there are some bad content videos that are placed in the category for kids but I really do not like them. They have dolls eating candy afterwards pooping out the color of the candy, kids acting up and throwing tantrums, big kids that are in elementary school still sucking on a pacifier (their father is too), several videos like that have been coming up in our feed.

So what I have done is made a list so that parents can be aware. Of course there are more and that these channels have made similar channels with different names. I have now deleted my YouTube history and will need to keep a closer eye on what Naomi watches. We are also limiting her iPad privileges.

  1. Toy Freaks
  2. Toy Monster
  3. Bad Baby in Cartoon
  4. Bad Baby Victoria
  5. LOR Bad Baby
  6. Annoying Orange
  7. Freak Family Tv
  8. DCTC Toy Channel
  9. Thomas Longino
  10. Hidden Toys
  11. Roy Mingus
  12. Superhero Girls
  13. Sisters CrazyShow
  14. Freak Family Vlogs
  15. toys and me
  16. Freak World
  17. Vlad CrazyShow

On my computer I have a video blocker but on the iPad it is a tougher challenge to block videos but I will do my best for the sake of my daughter, family, and my sanity.

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What I was hoping for. 

This will be a long post but if you want to read the summary it will be in the bottom. No, it is not one of those awareness posts where you have to copy and pass along to others. This is what I’m thinking. Me as Natsu.
I’ve come back to the islands for a few reasons. 1. To be closer to family and spend time with them while having Naomi be closer to family since Texas we had only one. (Not complaining Casey I do enjoy you when you come over during the times you could) 2. I missed my friends back in the islands and just talking 3. I missed the mountains and the views. I enjoy hiking and it never gets old in the islands 4. I missed the ocean. The beaches and areas where I could just snorkel and see fishes and sea turtles 5. I missed the food. I missed the local and Asian food and markets.
After being back in the islands for almost a year (beginning of May will be a year), I haven’t seen a lot of family gatherings as what we used to do. Long ago in the holidays we would have lunch with one side of the family (usually my dad’s side) and have a pot luck and eat at their home with the rest of the aunties, uncles, and cousins being there. It didn’t matter how far they lived we would meet together. Whether if it was Salt Lake at uncle John’s home, Waipahu at aunty Zeny’s home, Kalihi at papa’s home, or Kaneohe at my parent’s hime we would all meet together and enjoy everyone’s company. Then for dinner we would do it again with my mom’s side (which was just Tita Marilou’s family and some of her friends). What happened to those times? I don’t see it. No one is inviting family for a meal? Well… I tried to even invite my parent’s for lunch and was rejected with a reason of having to finish chores around the house. She did say we could l eat some leftovers with her but if she’s going think of having to do chores why should I bother her?
Anyways, my reasons for coming back home are shattering. There is a lack of family here. Sometimes it feels that they come just to see Naomi and that’s it. Naomi’s uncle has never came to our home or even asked to hang out and see his only niece. Okay, I was invited a handful of times to hang out with my cousin, Charmaine, and politely declined to some but I did try to go to their zoo outing but we didn’t meet up.  Friends don’t invite me to hangout. I spend my time with RJ’s friend which I’m not complaining. He’s a great friend and his wife is too. Hiking I enjoy but my dad (who loves hiking) doesn’t join us but hangs with his hiking buddies. Haven’t gotten an invite in months to do any hiking or outdoor event from him. The beach we enjoy with ourselves or with RJ’s best friend but I also wish I could find a good fishing buddy for RJ. I have no complaints about the food here in the islands except I wish we could share these moments with family.
If things don’t improve with family because that was my main reason to be here. I don’t know what to think. It’s sad. I feel like we might move and leave again because there we would have a reason for not spending time together. If we do move and if it were to be leaving this island, this would be our final move and I really don’t want to think about that decision. I still have hope that we can make this family and  rest of my family be one (at least for holidays).
I do thank the cousins that do come over and invite us to some outings and grately appreciate it.
TL:DR (Too Long: Didn’t Read)
1. I came back here to be with family and it just doesn’t seem like we are included in their outings.
2. I don’t want to think about moving again but things aren’t changing we might and it would be our final move.
I really don’t know if i should post what I just said on fb for my whole family to read. I have no family followers on this page.

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Family and Holidays

Well this is Easter weekend and in my religion that means Lent is over and Jesus has been resurrected from the dead. Was I a good Catholic during Lent? I tried and made mistakes. I didn’t send my project, which was to start requesting information  from relatives to make the family tree. But oh well I still can do it later on. I do want to send it to them and learn about my family hopefully allowing us to be closer. 

So that goes to my topic about family. It’s the holidays. We should spend time with family and enjoy the little egg hunts. Tomorrow is Naomi’s first egg hunt. We are going to church at 830am. Way too early for my husband. But he will do it. We also haven’t gone to church in months. Don’t judge me for not going to church and still trying to participate in some of my religious practices. It’s the meaning. 

But anyways…. It’s the holidays and we should spend time with family. We were going to go fishing today but that turned no good because my parents did not want to go to the beach since they have to watch my grandma later in the evening because my aunt has a dinner date. The fishing spot my friend suggested didn’t have any fishermen and my husband was uncomfortable to be the only one fishing. Especially he did not know how to shore fish. He does know how to fresh water fish. He’s new to salt water fishing and doesn’t know people that know it. 

My husband thinks that my family and extended family should be having a family gathering during Easter but we did not know or arranged one. So it’s difficult for him too. We did come to the island to be closer to family but it just doesn’t seem that way. 

Anyways…. My dad, Naomi’s grandfather, is going to go on a morning hike tomorrow on Easter Sunday while we go to church and watch Naomi go on her first Easter egg hunt. We kept saying to skip it but he said he made plans weeks ago to go. I even told him he’s going to miss her first egg hunt but he did not move away from his joy in hiking. It’s sad but sigh….
I thought my family and extended family would be close or have get togethers but it just doesn’t seem that way. I guess I’ll have to try and arrange them. Gotta do it next time and that’s why I want to learn more about my family tree hopefully by learning a bit about them we can be closer.  

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Looking Back: Friends (Part 2)

So last weekend I went to an anime convention. I was thinking, “Maybe I’ll see some old friends while I am there.” I was able to see a few. Jacob from back when I was in my first elementary school, Kirisu-san from my second elementary school, Rex from high school, and Daniel the guy who tutored me in high school. 

Jacob and I were not close in elementary school but we met again in college to find out we had similar interests. It was cool. Though after me leaving to Texas I didn’t keep in touch with him as much. He went to becoming more interested in tabletop gaming and I had no interest in it. 

Kirisu-san and I were friends in the second elementary school I attended. She and her close friend, Kiyoko-chan were inseparable. I don’t know if they are still but I know they talk to each other. Kirisu-san, Kiyoko-chan, and I would hang out in the mornings in high school talking about anime using our imagination to be characters a part of the anime and manga. It was cool. I do talk to them from time to time but probably like every few months. They start the conversation though.

Rex. Haha…. I don’t know how I would translate to my friendship with Rex. We never hung out. We were only classmates in one class during my freshman year of high school but we just were close in a long distance way. We would play truth or dare in class and out of class. We would play a PG13 rating of it never anything more than that. We would talk a bit about each other online. He taught me html coding in a way and about blogs. Moving me from Santa to MySpace to Facebook. We always kept in contact for some odd reason. But we never hung out. We are close friends but not so close. We finally hung out for a few hours during the anime convention with some of his friends and that was cool. He’s a good guy.  Can’t find a girlfriend but still a good guy. 

Daniel was my tutor back in high school. I guess I can’t say he’s a friend but we chatted a few times while I was being tutored. His co-worker, John, is who I’m friends with and he’s a good guy. I talk a bit with him asking for information about stuff. 

Well…. During the convention, my husband was with me and was uninterested in my interests. But he still came anyways. When he met my friends. He said that Rex was a good guy and the friend that was still acting like a friend by being the first to initiate a conversation and talk. I thought that too. I guess even though you’re not close or have hung out at all, you can still be good friends just as long as you still continue to contact one another in a two way relationship.

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Looking Back: Friends (Pt 1?)

Because I was talking about my current friendship with people I guess I should look back at what type of person I was.

There was a saying that I just read yesterday in a webcomic called Four Quarters. If you want to read it check it out here. Well the saying said this,

I’d rather have four quarters than one hundred pennies.

That meant I’d rather have four close friends than one hundred people that don’t care about you. Definitely during my high school I had a lot of friends. We hung out before school and after school. I hung out with different groups of people from the artists, gamers, JROTC, friends back from elementary school, and band students. I knew a lot of people. But I realized I did not know much about them. I knew their birthdates and what their interests are but I never got to know them all.

When I went to one of my friend’s graduation parties, she performed on the guitar and I did not know she was interested in guitars. I always looked at her as a quiet, nice person to talk to.

I never opened up to a lot of my friends either. Maybe three, Mikey, Emi-chan, Venus, and Candy. Out of those four I removed three in my life. Emi-chan did not agree with my sudden marriage to my husband, Venus kept flaking off from our meetings, Candy just cut ties after she left to the mainland and got married. Mikey is the only one left.

Well, I do have Phil and Trev. I did date Trev for a month or so but I just couldn’t jump the hurdle of him just being a really close and great friend to a lover. Great guy when he gets a girl though. Phil and I have similar interests in hobbies but we rarely talk anymore. He doesn’t invite me to stuff and we haven’t kept in touch unless we talk right now.

So if I look now at my friends from the past and my friends now. I probably had a lot of pennies. Maybe I can find a quarter in there but it’s pretty tough. I think I need to find a quarter now or keep the quarter friend I have now and try to stick to them.

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So yesterday I was having an outing with my friends. I invited my friends go to bowling with me, my husband, and my daughter. The friends I invited were my old high schoolmates (Kiyoko-chan, Kirisu-san, Mangi-kun, Spray, Mikey, Phil, Michael, Mi-Mi, Sean, and Trev). I sent the invitation about two weeks ago because our friend that currently lives in California is staying for a while and I was not sure how long he will be staying, so it was kind of a rush. My invitation was declined by Kiyoko-chan, Kirisu-san, and Spray because they had work or an appointment that day. The others accepted. On the day we were going to meet Phil and Michael left because they were getting sick, Sean had to go to church, and Mangi-kun had family from the mainland suddenly come over). So I was with only MI-Mi, Trev, and Mikey (the one that lives in Cali).

It took a while for us to gather because Mikey had to wait for his mom’s car to come. I should have asked if he needed a ride. But I had a little fun. Naomi went bowling for the first time and it was cute. I talked a bit with my friends tried to set up a conversation but sometimes it felt that Mi-Mi would talk to Trev more. My husband tried to get involved by talking to Trev about fishing because they both like doing that.

Honestly, I guess even though I tried to bring the group in, I didn’t feel like it worked out and I was being included. When Mikey arrived (after 2 hrs of waiting) I tried to have a conversation with him too. But of course, I had to deal with the baby . We chatted a bit. We all ate lunch nearby after one game and Naomi was getting tired so we went our separate ways after that.

When we went our separate ways my husband was talking to me about my friends. He made me realize that I was the only one inviting them to hang out not the other way around. When I wanted all the boys and girls to hang out it wasn’t working out. They had excuses and stuff. When I wanted to hang out it was always the same guys (Trev and Mi-Mi). He told me that I should get a new group of friends or a few new friends to make and hang out with.

I thought to myself…

Well…. True. I’ve been here for almost a year and I didn’t get any invitations to hang out. Is it because I have a family and husband and they are all single? It has been years since I came back and people have changed or haven’t changed. I dunno. Maybe I should get new people. 

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You made your bed. Now lay in it.

So this is the saying my friend told me a few days ago. This is not about me. It’s about my sister.

On July of last year, my sister married this man before she was off to go to her new assignment in Cuba. My husband and I urged her not to do that choice and that I did not support this marriage. She ignored my thoughts on her marriage and my opinion and notified us the day before that she was getting married.

My family’s history of marriage

My mom and dad got married when they only knew each other for less than a year but they never separated from each other.

Me and my husband got married after only knowing each other for five months. He was going to Texas and I followed him. We never separated from each other.

My husband’s parents got married less than a year of knowing each other too. They never separated from each other during the early parts of their marriage. Now they have been married for 35 years and can move apart from each other when it comes to trips and stuff. But they’ve learned to handle living apart.

Back to my sister

She has only known this man for less than six months and she had to go on an assignment to another country. He could not follow her. He also had a brain injury. How could she care for him and do her job? I’ve told her that long distance relationships are hard and she should think it through. She should have tried to do a long distance relationship as a boyfriend and girlfriend but they decided not to. Who made the choice? I’m not sure.


Well… She left her assignment early due to him. And they’ve been having problems since her return back. To be simple. She was expecting things to go to normal or so but it did not. They had communication problems and other problems. It just was bad.

Well… To be simple again. It was a military wedding and a military marriage. Short and quick.

So now that she is having problems. She is wallowing in her own self-pity trying to play the victim card and I am not going to receive it. Just as what my friend said. She made her bed now she has to lay on it. I will be there as some sort of support because she is family but she’s making irrational decisions.

She’s going to divorce the guy then she wants to still buy a house? Why? Is she jealous of my life? That I have a family, a house, and doing well? I don’t know.

So that’s been a little bug on my shoulder talking to me and I wanted to let it out. That’s all.. I am so glad I love my husband.

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Dealing With People

There are several people that I deal with in life. 

I’ve dealt with my family and friends of several different personalities and actions. 

Today, I will talk about my friend, Republic is what I will call him. He has been me and my husband’s gaming friend for a year or so. He has a lot going on in his life, a divorce, a child along the way, heart issues, and other stuff. My husband and I were going to visit him to let him relax with all the stress going on.

We arranged a flight to meet at Vegas for a weekend. We haven’t heard from him for a while but we assured to him we were coming. The day of our trip my husband got a call that he had to cancel. 

He should have notified us many times. He had our contact information and chances.  He said he might find a flight the next day because he had issues to deal with.

So today is the next day and no word from him. I finally got a little contact from him apologizing that he cannot make it due to issues. I think being stood up is a very disrespectful act no matter who you are. I would like an explanation to why he did not come. 

That is what I will wait for. 

I do care about my friend and worry but it makes me upset, sad, and disrespected after coming all this way spending money for flights and the hotel then he doesn’t show up.

All I ask for is respect. That’s all.

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Well, It Is Your Decision

So my mom and my family are pretty much in good terms now.

I actually called my mom and asked her how she is doing and how her day was. Then, I popped the question if she would be willing to babysit our daughter. Her response, “yes.” Not yet pleased with the answer she has given me, I went deeper and asked, “Are you willing to accept the rules in how we raise our daughter?” There was a brief pause but she said, “yes.”

The babysitter issue has been solved.

I am still going to tell my mom that she will not have to watch her full-time if she doesn’t want to. If she wants to go somewhere far or do something that could interfere with our daughter’s schedule or around people we wish for her not to see, we will have another option.

Now comes around the dinner time of my yesterday. I invited my parents to have dinner with us on Sunday. They said that they will attend. I also invited my uncle (who was telling me to never contact him until my husband apologizes). He was choosing to get into an argument that he was not a part of. He currently has not been given photos of my daughter, arrived to see my daughter, or talked to us. Those were his decisions and requests to me. So for the past 3 months he has not done that. He went lower than my mom’s actions because I still sent my parents photos, contacted them and tried to visit them.

I could totally graph this thing and see how low he is right now.

During the last 3 months (argument till resolution)


Texted and called

NO Yes

Photos of the baby



Seen the baby NO


Came over the house NO


Why did my uncle have all these “NO’s”. He told me to stop contacting him and sending him things and refuses my gifts until my husband apologizes to my mom. The issue between my husband and mom are between the two of them. He does not have to be involved in it. It is his decision and it will hurt him. I wonder if he will realize it.

I refuse to tell him about the issue between my mom and husband. He does not have to be involved. I tried continuously to make peace with him but he refuses. How Catholic is that? My uncle, the monsignor of the church acting like that.

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